Why You Should Never Write About Writing
The case against writing advice
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One of the best books I’ve ever read is Why You Should Never Write About Writing.
The author, after painfully reading thousands of About Writing pieces, as well as interviewing countless writers, came to the conclusion that
NO ONE REALLY CARES
Most writers have already developed some vague style, tone or voice, and are loath to alter it just because someone (normally an author who’s run out of ideas) tells them to.
Most only read the advice because they have a niggling feeling they might be missing out on something.
But after they’ve read half the piece, realise they are quite satisfied with their own exploits — however fruitless they may be.
So why do people keep writing about writing?
Because it’s easy. It requires little thought and even less research. You just start with a title: HOW TO WRITE FICTION and away you go.
Chapter One: Have a beginning.
Chapter Two: Have a middle bit.
Chapter Three: Finish it and don’t mess around with complicated endings no one understands.
Writing is hard, I admit. But do we need help?
I was once given How To Write a Novel when I was 18. My father bought it for me after I mentioned at the dinner table that I wanted to become a writer.
My father was clever. He knew the best way to put a kid off something — especially something as foolish as being a writer — was to encourage it.
Teenagers are fickle creatures. They may have an interest in something, but they don’t want help. They don’t want encouragement, and they certainly don’t want a book on it.
I was no different. After four pages, I put it down when I saw the word STRUCTURE.
Ugh!
What’s this?
I was just going to start writing. I thought authors just started doodling on a napkin in a bar or restaurant, and before they knew it, there was a full-blown novel in front of them.
That’s what I planned to do. The real writer’s route! No coloured stickers for me!
As it happened, I didn't start a novel until I was 45. The idea to which I sketched out on a scrap of paper in a bar in the South of France (true story).
It went like this and was the basis of my 2019 novel entitled Le Glitch.
Glitch goes on. Glitch goes off. Must get Glitch back!
A fierce critic of the book — who will remain unnamed — told me the novel lacked STRUCTURE.
Agh!
That word again!
You see, my father’s ploy worked. It put me off. If he hadn’t bought me How To Write a Novel, I might be a world-famous novelist by now — I could have won the Pulitzer!
This is why I’m now laying the blame for my late development as a writer firmly on the shoulders of my father.
I might have continued with my neo-nihilist, dystopian horror set in the year beyond infinity, if it wasn’t for that book. I could have had an entire series by now. I could be rich.
So here’s a piece of advice. No one wants writing advice. So don’t give it.
For more 21st Century Comedy, click here.
Every time I read writing advice, I have to wipe my memory. It's a lot of work.