What’s the Point in Paddleboarding
It’s like walking on water without the miracle
I once went paddleboarding with some friends on a lake in the West of England.
“Isn’t this amazing!” they kept saying as though they’d never seen water before. Standing proud on their very expensive styrofoam boards with their ‘handcrafted’ willow oars tightly gripped in their hands.
I gave them a fake smile and said it was great.
It was pleasant enough, and it was OK for about half an hour.
But these guys did it every week. Rocking up at the same lake with their boards to discuss non-existent weather conditions. Rigorously preparing their equipment as though rowing across the Atlantic.
Then, after two hours of meandering around a lake they’ve ‘sailed’ across four hundred times, they head back ‘inland’ to fire up their BBQs.
I’m not being cynical (I am). It’s just that when I was young, I used to canoe down the rapids of a nearby river. Or windsurf along the coast in a gale and get blown into rocks. That was fun. That was dangerous.
Gliding across a flat lake at 1 mph isn’t.
I don’t know when paddleboarding became popular. But it was probably stolen from The Venetians. Everyone wanting to be their own captain. The gondolier of their own silly boat.
Even my cousin’s doing it.
“Hey cuz, do you want to go cycling?”
“Sorry, Phil, I’m off paddleboarding. Wanna come?”
“I’m OK, I’m going to stand up in a supermarket for an hour. Get some exercise.”
They say paddleboarding is good for the upper torso and the heart. But I didn’t feel it.
All I felt was sunburn.
The strong sun incinerating my back as I stood bolt upright on a plastic board in the middle of the afternoon.
There are even paddleboard races.
But why?
Most people can swim faster than a paddleboard. And even if you can’t, I can think of more amusing ways to race. Like in a car or on a bicycle. You know, really get up some speed!
This craze won’t last much longer.
Soon people will get fed up with blowing up their boards and packing them away every week. Gliding over the shallows at 1 mph, and saying, “Isn’t this amazing!”
Soon they’ll go back to canoeing or sailing. Or powerboating. Or golf. Or chess.
Golf is another pointless sport. But at least there’s an aim to it — get the small ball in the small hole! With paddleboarding, there’s no point whatsoever.
Paddleboarding is like surfing without waves. Canoeing with only one oar. Windsurfing without a sail. Rowing without direction. And generally getting in everybody’s way.
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But if you leave your paddleboard strapped to your car all the time people think you're a surfer. That's still got some pulling power, so I hear.
I can answer the question. There’s no point.