That Cup of Coffee Below Cost Me 37 Loyalty Cards
That’s dedication for you!
There’s a new gas station near where I live. It’s built on the site of an old gas station that they expanded to make way for a café and more EV charging points.
They still have old-fashioned gas, but such was the demand for charging points that they concreted over a nice piece of greenery where parents and kids used to sit in the summer.
(Hold that thought in your head for a minute.)
(OK, you can let it go now.)
The gas station is part of a giant Super-U Hypermarket shopping mall, and every day a million cars roll in and out to buy stuff they don’t need.
Around the mall are a million other outlets selling everything from hunting rifles to kids' toys. With a McDonald's, Burger King and KFC strategically placed at every intersection to make sure no one goes hungry.
I go there a lot. It’s something to do. Sometimes I just go there to wander around the giant mall and pretend I’m Ferris Bueller on his Day Off. Pretend I’m 16 again without a care in the world.
Remember those days?
No?
So anyway, the other day, I was there with my wife, aimlessly wandering around the mall when I suggested we check out the new gas station.
My neighbour had told me the sandwiches and cakes were surprisingly good, and because it was owned by the supermarket chain, the prices were reasonable.
After filling up, we went inside the shop to pay for the gas and to get some lunch. When the cashier asked me if I had a loyalty card, I flashed my Super-U card (called ‘U-Card’) and handed it to her.
“Sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “The retail unit is owned by Super-U, but the gas station is run by Total Energies. Do you have a Total Card?”
“Of course,” I said smugly, digging out my Total Card from my wallet.
“Great”, she said.
Then we went to the other side of the establishment to order a coffee, a cake, and a sandwich. Here, the sales clerk, who looked about 12 years old in his 8-sizes-too-big polo shirt, asked me for my loyalty card.
I flashed him my Total Card.
“Nah.” He shook his head. “Can’t accept that, mate.”
“What?”
“This is Columbus Coffee.” He pointed to the insignia on his shirt. “You need a Columbus Card.”
“Columbus Coffee?” I murmured.
“It’s a franchise.”
Of course. I remember seeing them on a recent trip to Paris. Five years ago, no one had heard of them. Now they were everywhere.
“I don’t have one,” I uttered.
“Do you want one?” he said, without a shred of joy, as though he was being forced to pick up chewing gum off the sidewalk.
I looked at my wife. I knew what she was thinking. Another loyalty card?
“What advantages do I get?” I asked the kid.
The kid sighed as he started reading the list of benefits from the accompanying leaflet he was about to give me with my new Columbus Card attached.
“Er, free coffee after 10 purchases,” he muttered. “A 20% reduction on all sandwiches and cakes…”
“Can I use it today?” I snapped, hoping to save a few quid on the sandwiches, which weren’t as cheap as my neighbour had claimed. In fact, they were damn expensive for a pre-baked baguette filled with a wafer-thin slice of ham and cheese.
The kid read on, scanning the small print as though studying The Bible. “Err, yeah, you can,” he finally said, pulling the card from the leaflet, scanning it on the till, and handing it to me.
“There,” he said, now with a smile. “Looks like you’re saving money already.”
I appreciated his enthusiasm (at last!) and headed off to the tables at the front of the café to watch everyone charging up their electric vehicles.
My wife was shaking her head. “How many loyalty cards do we have now?”
“A lot,” I said. “Probably about 37.”
For more pointless 21st Century Comedy, click here.
Where do you store these cards?
Hahaha, and still laughing! My kinda story! 😅