Pete Lunt, What a C**T!

The Joy of Nicknames

There was a guy at school called Peter Lunt. No prizes for guessing what his nickname was.

For years he was simply known as Lunty. Until someone heard the C-word on TV, and Lunty became: Pete Lunt: What a Cunt!

Luckily, nicknames wear out, and by the time he left school, he had reverted to Pete. By the time he hit thirty and got married, he was plain old Peter again.

I was the same.

I didn’t have a nickname like Peter Lunt— I was plain old Ogs, Oggy, or Og. But like Peter Lunt, when I left school, I was back to Phil again. Then later in life, Philip.

Now that I live in France, I’m known as Philippe.

I once knew a guy called Beef. His real name was Arran, but no one ever called him that. According to his friends, he acquired the name at school, apparently due to the size of his balls. I guess some names never die, eh?

Another guy I once worked with was called Spud. On my first morning, he said to me:

“I’m Spud. Real name’s Stu, but everyone calls me Spud, don’t ask me why!”

I didn’t, so always called him Spud, but always wondered whether his wife and kids (he had 3) called him Spud. Or whether Spud was reserved for his friends and work colleagues.

I remember an article on Sting, who said that he doesn’t respond to his real name (Gordon Sumner) and finds it offensive when people do. He even said his children call him Sting.

Really?

Who calls their dad Sting? It would be like my children calling me Ogs. Or Peter Lunt’s children calling him: Pete Lunt: What a Cunt!

Do the children of Bono, Slash and Flea call their dads by their nicknames/stage names?

Did Sting’s mother and father, when they were alive, call him Sting?

I doubt it. They called him Gordon, like Slash’s parents called him Saul (Hudson), Flea’s, Michael (Balzary) and Bono’s, Paul (Hewson).

Mothers call their children by their names. If there’s going to be one person on the planet who will always call you by your proper name, it’ll be your mother.

FACT!

Most people have nicknames. Even if it’s just the shortening of the name to Bob or Mel.

Although saying that, my friend Stan, who is sadly no longer with us, had no nickname and was always called Stan.

He was a Dutchman from Rotterdam, who stood six feet eight, weighed 250 pounds and had a thick mane of rope-like blond hair that hung down to his waist.

When someone tried to foist the nickname Viking on him, he didn’t go for it. Which always made me wonder whether some people are immune to nicknames. That their personality defies being named anything other than their true name.

Or perhaps some people are just bigger than everybody else…

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