Nine Months of Hell on Substack
It’s been a rocky ride to the top and back down to the gutter
After two weeks of deep data analysis by some of the world’s finest accountants, they have released the results of my Substack journey.
Their conclusion was as follows.
In his nine months on Substack, Philip J. Ogley (21st Century Content Creator) earned precisely $94
When I read it, I thought the typist had dropped dead after the word “$94…”
I was waiting for the noughts.
So I rang their New York office and asked to speak to the head honcho, who informed me that it was correct, and that I am an office joke.
There’s even a photo of me on the wall they throw darts at. In the middle, where my mouth is, there’s a $94 sign in red letters.
If employees hit the mark, they get a bonus of $10,000.
The boss told me it’s pretty hard to miss as the sign is as big as an apple, so they’ve been paying out thousands per day. But they can do that because they are rich and I’m not.
I agreed he was right. After all, I was a writer who didn’t have a grip of 21st Century Content Creation, even though I was a 21st Century Content Creator.
He told me I should do a course with Smillew (Rahcuef), who is an internet marketing guru.
I said I already have. He told me to write fiction on Substack. Then, a few weeks later, said no one reads fiction on Substack.
I was shocked. So I made a new publication called 21st Century Comedy as opposed to 21st Century Fiction.
I tried to make them work side by side, but it was too late, as most of the people I knew from Medium had already signed up to 21st Century Fiction.
I then made another mistake of opening another publication called 21st Century Flicks, which carried my spoof movie reviews like Lo-Fellas and Alien Reheated.
These were brilliant, but no one read them.
I was trying to run three publications, and none of them were working.
In addition, I had started a live video show with Irish outlaw and Beamish drinker Peter William Murphy every Monday at 1545pm CET or 0745 PST or 0945 EST or 0045 NWST.
So I canned the fiction and movie review pubs to concentrate on comedy.
Then realised that as I was getting older, I was becoming less funny and more bitter, so had started writing pieces on the imminent collapse of society.
These don’t have a place on 21st Century Comedy. So this week I made another revamp and renamed 21st Century Comedy, 21st Century Everything.
This hopefully covers, well, everything.
From pop music to card games, anti-tech rants to karate moves, food tips to health suggestions, nihilist guitar solos to nature ramblings. And MORE!!
I think it might work.
Even the head honcho at my accountants said they had removed the $94 sign and replaced it with a sign saying THIS GUY IS A WINNER!
I thanked him and pretended not to hear the howls of laughter in the background.
Maybe they were laughing at a few old stories from 21st Century Comedy.
I hope so.
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Congrats I guess
You're a winner.