New Coffee Tariff Targets Content Creators
Creative tax takes aim at podcasters and bloggers
A London café last week introduced a tariff to rival those of the US President.
Fed up with the content creator ‘vibe’ in her café, owner, Jacky Hardcastle, set a 100% tax on all flat whites.
‘It’s not that I’m against the arts,’ she said. ‘It’s just that if I ever hear the words, Substack Newsletter, again, I think I’ll go crazy.’
Café regular, jazz musician Mike Wallace, agrees, ‘They just sit there all day with their headphones on editing podcasts — does anyone ever listen to them?’
One of the main complaints is that they always take the best seats. ‘Once upon a time,’ Mike says, ‘it was easy to get a seat by the window. Now it’s impossible — I have to sit by the door.’
This is the main reason Jacky has introduced the tax. ‘They buy a flat white, take the best tables, and stay here all day. They don’t even buy a cake or a sandwich as they complain they haven’t got enough paid subscribers.’
Naturally, Jacky’s tax hasn’t gone down well with the content creator community. They complain of being forced out into the cold. And fear that without the refuge of a comfy café with free heating, iced water and toilets, some might miss newsletter deadlines.
Paul North, who writes movie reviews no one ever reads, complains that it seems fine for mothers to bring in their screaming kids, but not for us. ‘It’s discrimination — I doubt it’s even legal!’
Jacky defends her position by arguing that, ‘Families generally buy something more than a coffee. They spend money. As far as I care, they can stay as long as they want. They pay my rent!’
Café staff are specially trained to spot potential content creators, as they are normally seen carrying a laptop in a brightly coloured neoprene pouch.
Although barista Claire Howard says, ‘You can tell as soon as they walk in by their lazy, self-entitled swagger.’
Other café owners in the area are watching closely.
‘It’s about time,’ insists Ann Jasper, who runs Castle Coffee in Wandsworth. ‘We have to do something to keep these people out. They take up space, laugh out loud for no reason, and sometimes even go to sleep. They treat cafés as though they are extensions of their living rooms.’
Jacky Hardcastle doesn’t want to cause a stir — she listens to podcasts herself, ‘Well, once,’ she admits.
And insists she will happily drop the tax if they start behaving like normal human beings. Until then, she says, the price of her flat white isn’t going to get cheaper any time soon.
Suddenly, for content creators everywhere, the price of ‘fame’, just got a little more expensive.
For more 21st Century Comedy, click here.