My Substack Failure So Far
Admit it. We love watching people fall
Everyone enjoys a story about someone else’s failure. That joy we get from witnessing someone’s misfortune, no matter how small, is incredibly satisfying.
Better than hearing about someone’s success.
Don’t you hate that? Listening to the smugness, arrogance, and self-congratulation ooze out of them like cheap hair gel on a plastic comb.
Ugh!
Far more enjoyable is rejoicing in their downfall. After all, literature is brimming with tales of tragedy and woe from Oedipus to King Lear, Wuthering Heights to The Great Gatsby.
I remember the intense thrill I got when I heard that the glamorous couple from my school were getting divorced after only three years.
They were the saintly Head Girl and Head Boy, who could do no wrong. Light shone out of their eyes as they walked, and they wore a halo from dawn to dusk that said I Am a Success.
They loved the school so much that they chose to get married in the school chapel five years after they left.
Who does that? Who gets married at school? It’s like two convicts returning to prison to tie the knot.
Weird!
I went along anyway. Everybody went. Even the cleaners and groundsmen went. Gave up a day out of their summer holidays to attend the wedding of the year — as the local newspaper dubbed it.
They weren’t even famous. They were just rich and stupid and had this weird sense of entitlement that I thought had disappeared in the 1930s.
But there we all were in our tops and tails on a bright summer day watching a horse-drawn carriage, a Rolls-Royce and a real-life Bishop read them their vows.
True, there was a slap-up meal and an ocean of free champagne to drink afterwards. But I can still remember the utter joy when a friend told me they were getting divorced due to: “irreconcilable differences.”
Irreconcilable differences.
Brilliant! That means they hated each other all along but went along with it because it looked good.
Admit it! You’re nodding along to this as you read, I can feel it. And even if you’re not as mean as me, don’t we all get a bit of joy when we see someone fail?
Who doesn’t like seeing a celebrity fall? Half the popular culture of the past hundred years has been devoted to celebrity gossip and their impending demise.
When I was growing up, all my family could talk about was the British Royal Family. It was like I had my private in-house Royal correspondents at the dining room table.
Not that I cared. I was much more interested in seeing crooked businessmen, politicians, or world leaders thrown in prison than reading about the demented private life of the House of Windsor.
So how about me? What about my Substack? After all, that is the title of this piece.
My Substack Failure So Far
OK, ask me.
“So, how’s Substack going, Phil?”
“Not great. I made $10 in three months.”
“Ha ha ha! Ten bucks in three months. That’s made my day! What a loser!”
See. I told you. We all love a failure.
For more 21st Century Comedy, click here.
Well, Phill, I haven’t made a cent in 7 months on Substack, but it makes me feel like I could… 😊 Really enjoying your writing!