Modern Life is Shit — Just Admit It

And we thought the 80s were bad

Oh, look, a fucking starfish!

I was one of the first to own a ZX Spectrum in 1982. As well as a calculator watch. And a Walkman.

My father used to travel a lot and brought me stuff back from Japan and the USA.

I got into gadgets and electronics at an early age, and always had a decent music system, camera, and computer. And when the internet arrived, I thought it was the best thing ever.

Then something changed. About ten years ago, I noticed technology had gotten serious.

I remember when gadgets and computers were fun. Something to mess about with. A bit of entertainment.

A record player played records. Phones were for calling people. And a camera was an instrument for saving memories.

Now everything is bundled into a plastic box that we can use anywhere. All our joys and pleasures crammed into a device on which you can listen to music, chat with your mates, and read the news while scrolling on Facebook, all at the same time.

‘What’s wrong with that?’ my sister asked a few nights ago.

‘EVERYTHING,’ I told her. ‘Because you can’t enjoy everything all at the same time. It’s impossible.’

Technology gives you this option, and we take it. We can even access Wi-Fi on planes now. One of the last bastions of the Wi-Fi-free world — the sky — has now gone.

I’m the perfect hypocrite, I know. I’m writing on Medium now, on a computer.

But maybe I have to.

I used to enter a short story competition every year and send my entry off by post. I never won, but the ritual of sending it was almost as enjoyable as writing the story.

Then they changed the submission policy. No postal submissions, so I have no choice. I have to use a computer.

What I’m saying isn’t sour grapes or teary nostalgia for the old days, it’s simply the truth. Technology was cool and useful for a while. Until it got into everything and everywhere.

You can set your wood burner to light up before you get home these days, so when you get back, all you have to do is throw logs on the fire.

Think about it. You’re creating a fire in your home, and you’re not even there.

Wow! Talk about stupidity.

And I’m the same.

I bought take-out fish and chips the other night for my brother and sister, and only realized a few days later it had come to £37. Thirty-seven quid for fish and chips! I must have been nuts!

I didn’t even think about it. I just flashed my card at the reader. If I’d known the cost, I’d have ordered a bag of crisps.

I’ve fallen into the trap, I admit it. But the question is, can I escape?

I don’t know. Maybe there’s a tipping point where going back to a tech-free life isn’t an option. And if there is, I’ve already crossed it.

Because after I’ve published this, I’ll notify Twitter, then WhatsApp some friends the link. Then wait. Then check my stats. Then respond to comments. Then wait some more. And so it goes on.

I wish for the days of a ZX Spectrum, a computer so basic that even loading a game took about twenty minutes. And even then, it rarely worked.

Some people might call this a total pain in the ass. I call it paradise, and I want it back.

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