Become a Better Writing-About-Writing Writer
Step up to the next level
Admit it! We all love articles on writing. We read them in case someone has come up with a magic formula we missed.
On this platform, there are 34 current topics on writing. On the topic of Writing there are 980k pieces alone.
That’s nearly a million articles. At 1000 words a piece, that’s a billion words, all accompanied with the same Unsplash image of a typewriter.
(You know the one)
There’s always going to be an About Writing market because most writers aren’t that confident they can go it alone. They think they need help even if they don’t.
So how do you become a better writer at writing about writing?
I’ll tell you
The Title
Make it as clickbaity as possible.
Don’t feel intimidated by anti-clickbaiters. Clickbait is money. Do you want to die in poverty?
I don’t.
My last three pieces were
— Why You Should Never Write About Writing
The titles didn’t correspond to the content of the piece — they veered off into childhood memoir.
But people read them anyway.
Remember: Any advice is GOOD ADVICE.
Be Bold
Don’t hold back. People love to believe a person knows what they are talking about.
Make a wild assumption in the first paragraph.
Something like
Everyone Will Read Your Novel
If you’ve ever been published or self-published, you’ll know this is a lie.
But they don’t know that. Writers need hope like gambling addicts need scratch cards.
And nothing is more hopeful to a writer than being told people will read their work.
Back It Up With Figures
No one ever checks figures.
Say that 60% of online viewers read movie reviews. That 90% read through to the end of the article. And 100% click through to another review.
State that movie reviews are the new gold, and even a bad writer can earn a living writing them.
If you want to include figures, link to an obscure website with numbers on it. Preferably in another language to your target reader.
I use a Japanese stock market site.
Distractions
Use lots of headings and bullet points, so it looks like it’s written by a specialist.
Provide Venn diagrams so it looks thoughtful.
Make use of AI-generated quotes by non-existent people.
Link to obscure publications or blogs.
For example, sometimes I link through to SpaceX so people think Elon Musk is tracking them.
That freaks them out.
Use Exclamation Marks!
Use these to prove you’re serious! You are the one advising on the road to success!
It isn’t the other way around!
Remember that!
Use Question Marks
One of my favourite techniques is to stun readers with abrasive questions.
— Don’t You Want to Succeed?
— Are you Lazy?
— Do You Think I’m Wrong?
— Are You An Idiot?
Don’t let the dumb reader think you don’t know what you’re talking about!?
Don’t Be Clever
From my experience, most writers hate the following words:
— Structure
— Plot
— Angle
— Hook
— Narrative
— Audience
Avoid them. Most writers prefer to write whatever garbage comes into their heads.
So let them.
(Then laugh)
Repeat
Halfway down, simply repeat what you said above before you get to the conclusion.
Conclusion
If you follow my advice, you will have a successful writing about writing career, and you will never write anything original again.
For more 21st Century Comedy, click here.