Are My Chickens Trying to Get Me Fired
It seems so
Do you have chickens?
Do you lie awake at night thinking about their safety?
I do.
I recently invested in a new chicken coop and cage for my twelve hens and cockerel. Before they lived in an old horse box that was damp and dark, but it was secure. Nothing could get into the horse box unless it was equipped with industrial cutting equipment.
It was foolproof. Or rather fox-proof, weasel-proof and rat-proof. It was proof that you could live with chickens securely at night. In the day is a different matter. They roam wild in the fields and can get taken at any minute.
This is why I have a cockerel. And in six years, and with various numbers of chickens — sometimes as many as 30 — I’ve only lost one so far (possible cause: badger.)
Amazing Feats!
To lose only one chicken is quite an incredible feat when you consider where I live and work.
I’m a live-on-site groundsman and am surrounded by fields, meadows, and woodland in the heart of the Pays d’Auge. A rural area of Normandy, about three hours west of Paris.
My neighbour, François, has repeatedly told me that he can’t believe how my chickens survive. He’s been living here for 20 years, and all his chickens have been killed by the foxes that live up in the old chalk river cliffs.
“It’s like a fox zoo,” he says.
And he’s right. I see them in the cow fields eating the turds of the calves, which, according to François have the texture and taste of cheese. Sometimes I see them in the adjacent field to my chickens, and I think it’s just a matter of time before they get slaughtered.
But they haven’t. The combination of abundant food for the foxes plus my large, fairly vicious cockerel has kept them at bay.
That is. Until a few weeks ago.
New House
The purpose of getting the new chicken coop was twofold. One, it’s easier to clean and doesn't encourage lice like the old place. Two, it gives the chickens more freedom when I go away.
In the past, when I was on holiday, the chickens were left locked up in the horse box for a week at a time. They had enough food and water, but it wasn’t a great environment.
The new house solves all those problems. The automatic solar-powered door opens at 7 am and closes at 10 pm, leaving them plenty of time to feed and rest in the enclosure without the fear of being killed.
In the six months I’ve had it, nothing has tried to enter, and the chickens seem happy when I’m not there. You know chickens are happy because they keep laying!
And when I am there, they can roam in the fields like before and then return to the roost.
Unfortunately, in the past month, four chickens have disappeared (presumed dead), during the day (likely cause: fox).
So what’s going on?
I don’t know.
Let's look at the location.
Imagine you’re an assassin stalking someone. To make the hit as quietly as possible, you need to observe the target. Watch it, see what their movements are, see where they go and at what time. Find out their routine, and when you’ve got that down, you can strike.
This is exactly what is happening to my chickens. Before, the predator had no direct sight of them as the old coop opened up facing my house opposite. The new chicken house is a different story. Its entrance opens out directly onto the field.
This is the view you get of the new chicken house if you were a fox sitting at the back of the field. It’s like watching a takeaway hatch of a restaurant.
Predators like foxes are creatures of habit. They have routines, and they log the routines of other animals. Observing the comings and goings of the chickens. Just like an assassin.
The fox just has to be patient and wait for its free meal ticket to come wandering past.
So why am I saying this? Why are my chickens plotting against me?
Surely it’s the fox that’s plotting against me?
Well, yes and no.
Job Security
A few months ago, my boss asked what my plans were: whether I would be staying or leaving.
He bought the house and property three years ago from the guy I used to work for. I was sold along with the property as the groundsman/gardener like an add-on, but the deal suits me fine. I get free accommodation in exchange for a modest wage. Furthermore, because he spends most of his time in Paris, I’m left to my own devices.
At the beginning, he used to visit once every two weeks. Now he’s here every week from Thursday to Sunday, the result of being able to work from home, coupled with him gradually slipping into early retirement (nice).
I get the feeling I’m not needed, and he would prefer to visit his estate without me being here. The gardening could be handed over to a contractor who could come once a week.
Unfortunately, he can’t get rid of me that easily. I have a Contrat à Durée Indéterminée. Which in short, means I can’t be sacked. Or if he does, he has to pay me off.
So I was really stupid when he asked me what my plans were. I said half joking:
“I’ll leave when there are no chickens left! Ha Ha!”
I was that confident.
Why wouldn’t I be? I’d lost one chicken in six years and had no reason to think I would lose any more. Certainly not all twelve.
I assumed my job was safe.
Except now, I’m not too sure.
….to be continued (probably)
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I laughed so much, hahaha. Although, of course, I would like you to keep your job! How can you do that? I hope your investigation continues and that everything works out. I also hope that your chickens will get along well with the foxes and other small animals in the future. If not, what are the solutions? Sleep with your chickens in their coop? Move your chickens into your bedroom? Organize a meeting with the foxes? Call Hercule Poirot? But he's dead. Well, I'm with you, my friend! And keep writing, it's a great pleasure!
Kill the fox. Seems obvious to me.